Now What

33 Days of Truth: Day 32

Now What

I used to live on Maui. Past tense. Now I live in California (again). Present.

I feel as though I’ve traveled through dimensions and time warped. Was it all a dream? Did I just wake up? Am I still dreaming…?

I’ve been there and back again. The circle has turned me around, sent me out into the unknown and suddenly I’m Bilbo, back in the Shire, with adventures inside me and stories to tell.

I feel that way too about this 33 Days of Truth challenge. Wasn’t I always here? Writing? No. I’ve struggled my whole life to get to this place, sharing who I am openly through honest, creative self-expression. Now I’ve done that for 33 days straight. 

Ok technically, I’ve written all 33 days but only posted 32 posts. Today was going to be the finale, but I’m playing catch up by a factor of one.

Tomorrow, on May 1, I’ll write and post for the close of the challenge. And the beginning of the next…

I’ve been asked by multiple people why I felt compelled to share this personal stuff online, why I decided to put it all out there publicly. I’m not sure. Some people seem able to have their private experiences and integrate it into who they are, without needing others to know about it.

For whatever reason, something in me has felt the pressure and pull to pry open my personal story since I was a teenager. Almost as if it is my destiny, but I had to go through the challenges and resistance I did, before finally surrendering and accepting the inevitable: that writing from the heart, speaking my truth, is my path. And I’m finally there.

It feels as though my whole life has been leading up to this. 

By no means do I have it figured out though.

To be really honest, I don’t know what happens now. Other than, keep writing. I have plans for the summer and the rest of the year, but I’m not sure what I truly want yet. Maybe all of it. Maybe none. I’m welcoming back in some of the mystery. I rather prefer not to see too far down the path. Venturing forward, one step at a time.

One single deep breath does not keep a body alive. One 33 day exhale makes a lot of space though. I have turned myself inside out on this personal growth challenge. I’ve revealed and released stories that needed telling; that wouldn’t let me rest until I did. Now they’ve been told, a new book can open. The next chapters in the story of my life. It will still have some of the same character, and setting, and plot lines. Only now a new cast of characters can come in, and I am stepping into fresh adventures.

It’s scary. It’s exciting. It’s… life.

The road goes ever on and on…

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